i know as of this moment, there are people na masaya na because "we" have given them what they wanted… "freedom from each other"
upto this time i feel misunderstood… sa bagay, they would never understand a BRAVE GIRL like me…
yes.. im still here talking about my "3 years relationship" that’s now part of my past na lang… masyado na kasing maraming naging hindrance… and sad to say, i fought but in the end, situation made me realized "its not worth fighting for, it was never worth fighting for…"
but to tell you, I DID NOT LOSE THE GAME… why??
SECOND LESSON FROM SUN TZU:
"cOuNtEr aTtaCk!" — this has been the strategy i used… to do the opposite of what i normally do… i know i got used to the scenario that he’s always there… now, i found an alternative! my friends at dami pang iba….
SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY/HINDSIGHT BIAS:
usual for irrational girls: "di ko kaya ng wala siya, hirap na hirap na ko, etc…".. it WAS true to me… that i tend to believe in what i’m thinking without a firm logic. GIRLS, dont always do this… yeah, siguro nga, sa una, its hard… but gradually, i know i’ll be classically conditioned to the fact na wala na siya and mind you, its not so hard specially, if you do MIND SET…
"DPH" — (i cant give what this abbreviation means eh… PSY, you know this!)
there’s a huge difference between KNOWING it and DOING it… the moment i knew that "i need to know what went wrong"… i found ways to know it… i’ve put into actions what i believe i need to do… taking the risk was actually the real way out….
THREATS TO INTERNAL VALIDITY:
1. hiStOrY – (something occured before the experiment) YUP! I am actually doin an experiment out of the situation, at nakakaasar!!!!! i wasn’t able to seek the history behind the quick change… it’s not testable anymore……. and if ever i will find it out, it will not be fruitful na rin naman….
2. rEgressiOn — that friday, he was so sweet to me and he gave me a call on saturday morning when he was still in the office….. then on sunday, nawala na lahat???????? extremely high and extremely low!!! i cannot compare the odds kasi it was a sudden shift…. SUPER HIGH: prior to sunday, no sign of letting go or changes… SUPER LOW: biglang nagbago. that i dont know!! (you never gave me a single cause of everything!!!! all you told me was the effect!!!!!)
THREAT TO EXTERNAL VALIDITY:
1. Practice Effect - Carry over Effect
this is also one problem, masyado kong ginagawang basis yung mga pinagdaanan namin kaya i find moving on tragic… na carry-over ko yung mga pagkakataon na we’re happy kaya it affects me!
2. Reacivity Effect - Novelty
out of the consecutive experiences i’ve had, well… para maiba naman…. i’ll changed next time….
or, i’ll do TIV-MATURATION (can be from bad to good or GOOD to BAD)
SYSTEMATIC DISENSITIZATION
Evertime im relaxed and not anxious, i disensitized all of my thoughts and after that, I EXPOSED myself to the reality (FLOODING)… Gradually, i faced the fact that there’s no more US… It’s now just ME.
EXTINCTION BURST
almost 2 weeks after the break up, during the time i was moving on, there are times that i wanted to call him looking forward of fixing everything.. the more i wanted to forget him, the more i remember him… but im here, still moving on and battling againts weakness… yes i admit, it’s like killing myself when i was trying to overcome the extinction burst… but here’s what helped me overcome:
REINFORCEMENT
"all the bad things that he did to me for the past months and all the negative side of our relationship became my REINFORCER"… i negatively reinforced myself to succeed over the burst… it was effective!
ROSENTHAL EFFECT
this is the "law of expectation"… actually ‘to yung ginagawa ko ngayon… expect that my life will be FAR BETTER without him… and, yes it is…. better in a way that no more invalid thoughts im my mind.
And after all… here’s what i’ve built:
i am now a better and stronger person compare before…
rational, i should say… Up to now, im in the process of testing my hypothesis and proud to say, step-by-step, im proving it. This is definitely the right road!
this is just one of the big twist in mylife, and i have learned so much from this. I realized that there’s a big part in me that has been discovered after going through this problem…. oo, di naman ako SINUNGALING katulad ng ex ko eh, may nararamdaman pa rin ako, pero masaya na rin ako…kasi dahil dito, i proved that i can be strong no matter what happened. Malayo dun sa ako na hindi kayang wala siya… naku naman, i was able to live mylife for 16 years na wala siya that’s why it’s very illogical to believe that i can’t go on without him…the thing is, im very much inlove with confirmation bias nung kami pa…
The time i shifted to Psychology from Accountancy, di ko nakita yung purpose immediately. And now ko nakita yung purpose behind that….
Now, im learning a lot… learning what numbers cant explain solely, that is how to modify/shape behavior. and a lot more….. i now can adjust to various modifications in life….
Here’s one more thing, there are friends who’s telling me "sayang naman kayo…"… Para sakin? HINDI. Now I only have FEW regrets…. what made me say this? here…. Di ko pa pala ganung kakilala sarili ko and because of our break up, i knew myself. I knew how to fight for my principles, I learned how to stand up despite rejections and down falls and above everything, i realized what life means, ITS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.
simple advice? IF YOU THINK YOUR ACTIONS/STRATEGIES IN SOLVING ANYTHING ARE NOT WORKING, COUNTER ATTACK!